How much wood could a woodchuck chuck? Depends on how many bytes he takes.

 

WBB May 29, 2004

 

TPC came across this site while looking for summer jobs that don’t require a specially designed polo shirt. The company, called Ideltech, was looking for people to work from their homes with their new program.

 

From what we’ve gathered (which isn’t much yet), the founders of this company, Marcus Thesburg, Jude Williams, and Marty Manson have created a remarkable new computer program. And while our devoted readers (how are you two doing?) know that we fear nothing; we gotta admit this TOBI gives us the wiggins.

 

TOBI stands for “Technically Obtaining Better Information.” The program, called him by his creators (aww, isn’t that... creepy?), started out as a souped up search engine. I’ll tell you, Google ain’t got nothing on TOBI 2.0. Marty Manson and his cohorts turned TOBI into an artificially intelligent software program, even inputting some of Mr. Manson’s personality. And what do you get from scanning snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails into a Unix server? You get the Feds newest method of finding out how many adult movies you got off of pay-per-view this month. That’s right folks; the Department of Defense is already salivating over this little puppy... dog tail.

 

The DOD already has a contract in place for TOBI’s official launch on June 15^th. While Ideltech retains ownership of TOBI (lose that key to the patent office boys?), they will gather info for the DOD as another of its weapons in the “War On Terror.” Not to be confused with the “War On Consumers” currently being waged by the AA sisters, MP and RI.

 

While Ideltech gathers its new workforce and prepares to launch TOBI, they’ve had to deal with numerous difficulties. Another intelligence company, named Omniscient Eyes, has been trying to buy TOBI. According to their website, they’ve got a long history in the business of secrets. Some new-hires at Ideltech were kind enough to speak with us a bit about OE, as the call it. According to one, the director of Omniscient Eyes, an Alecia Church, is a “really creepy broad. She’s been calling and IMing (instant messaging) employees trying to get them to join her company and/or steal TOBI for her.” Another employee noted, “Church is a very determined woman. She insists she’s better able to use TOBI, and she’ll do about anything to get her hands on him. And she’s not too subtle in her threats.”

 

In addition to dealing with an overzealous competitor, a privacy group named NOISE has already staged one protest at their headquarters, according to local news site Amboy Monthly. In addition a local militia group, The Restorers, has made their mission to top TOBI’s launch.

 

While the team here at WHNF sympathizes with Ideltech’s position, we can’t help feeling that TOBI is a step in the direction of eliminating privacy. We intend to keep up with the doings of TOBI in the coming weeks. We also intend to dig up more info on The Restorers and Alecia Church. Obviously if what we’ve been told about Ms. Church is true, she’s a dangerous woman to have in charge of intelligence gathering. And while we agree with the concern over TOBI’s abilities, from what employees at Ideltech have said, the methods of The Restorers and their leader, an ex green beret by the name of Thad Tidwell, are questionable.