SCENE ONE
(A young woman is sitting alone, on her bed. She is in pajamas, and she is watching a movie, while she does some work on the computer. A man’s voice is heard in the room.)
VO
Are you watching that movie again?
She
Yes.
VO
Seriously?
She
Bite me baby.
VO
Not fair.
She
(laughs)
You said you wouldn't interrupt me again?
VO
Couldn't you talk when you write? Then I could hear your voice.
She
I told you this was a dumb idea.
VO
Come on. It's not a dumb idea.
She
You do realize that we are going to have phone bills from hell, right? It's been four hours this time. I think we're hitting 20 this week.
VO
I don't care. I'll pay the bills.
She
Wasting money on me? Don't we have some rules against that?
VO
I only agreed to the no flowers thing, since you're the one woman in a thousand who doesn't want them. As for wasting money on you... if this is the only way I can spend time with you, it'll be worth every penny.
She
No fair.
VO
(laughs)
I'll tell you what, you just ignore me, and I'll carry on both sides of the conversation. Keep typing.
She
Don't do this to me, please. I don't want to be distracted. I've got a lot of research to get through.
VO
Can I carry your books to class tomorrow?
She
If you were here, you'd be in trouble.
VO
Or better yet,
(sexy voice)
Would you like me to stay after class and help you grade papers Mrs. Peterson?
She
You are so in trouble. And if it ever becomes Mrs., it'll be Mrs. Devane, if you please, Mr. Devane.
VO
(troubled)
If?
She
I always preferred Ms. I know, some people think it's lame, but I think it's like the whole miss and ma'am thing. When you are a miss, it's great. But when you begin to hear ma'am from their lips, you resent the hell out of it. It's as if, at some point, people decided that you weren't young anymore, and they didn't tell you ahead of time. They just snatched it from you. It's sucky.
VO
How BLITZED are you?
She
I'm not going to answer that...
(giggles)
... on the grounds that I might incriminate myself.
VO
(laughing)
Too late.
She
Seriously, you know I need to shut this thing off.
(She picks up the phone from below frame and puts it on the table.)
VO
(slightly childlike)
Noooo. Don't hang up.
She
Baby...
Vo
Say that again.
She
Don't.
VO
(long pause)
I miss your typing.
She
You miss it? I've only stopped for a couple minutes.
VO
No, I mean.
(pauses)
I miss it being here with me. I miss lying in bed, and feeling it vibrate, ever so slightly, from the way you move your arms. And I miss that frustrating clicking sound. And the main reason it frustrates me is that it sounds like you are this incredible typist, you're actually not. You're only a fair typist, but you’re a seriously fast correctionist, so that balances your words per minute.
She
(laughing hard)
Oh my god, did I tell you that, or did you just figure that out on your own?
VO
Oh baby, I had that one down way early on.
She
(still catching her breath)
I am impressed. Next you'll tell me you remember exactly what I was wearing the first time you met me.
VO
Black Capri’s. Black tank, which wasn't entirely covering your black bra. This long crème over shirt. The thing looked enormous on you. I always meant to ask why you had it. You had on your crème sandals, with the little flowers on them. You also had your grey and black striped hat on. The one you're mother doesn't get, and I do.
She
(breathless)
You do?
VO
Yeah. See your mom looks at it, and it's Dr. Seuss.
(pauses while she giggles)
But when I see it, I think 80's, because I know how much you miss that style. In fact, that whole outfit you were wearing that day...Oh, I get it. The shirt isn't something you got from an old boyfriend, or something you had to borrow to wear home from a party or something. You bought it for exactly the way you were wearing it that day. It's the New Yorkancer.
She
The what?!
VO
I saw this article once, on standard styles from the 80's. You know, sorta the core looks, and then how they would overlap in different ways. One of them was the New Yorkancer. The style usually involved leotards or exercise clothing, covered in baggy outer wear; typical of the ever present girl dreaming of, or actually trying to, become a Broadway dancer. She was a favorite stock character in the 80's.
She
I'm almost offended.
VO
(surprised)
Seriously?
She
Well yes. I think that theory suggests that people like me only dressed that way because we were following some film iconology. But I think it has a lot more to do with the discovery of spandex, and how while it could really show off the good bods, but with careful drapery, it also improved the general appearance of the not so hot bods.
VO
Drapery?
She
Yeah. You make sure to wear whatever ideally covers the most negatives of your shape, and only reveal the real positives. For instance, I had fantastic calves when I was in high school, hence Capri’s, and of course a good rack. Black causes shadows, so I could leave my bulky shirt open down to about my waist, but you couldn't tell where definition was of anything inside of my shirt. Not until you hit my cleavage. You're basically shining a bright light on your tits. You'd be amazed at how long boys would stare at that over some 19 year old with twig like arms.
VO
I'm going to bed.
She
Excuse me?
VO
I'm tired. I'll call you in the morning and make sure you're up.
She
You hang up that phone and you will be in trouble.
VO
Excuse me?
She
What's wrong?
VO
Well, at the moment, I don't really appreciate the way you just said that to me.
She
Get over it. You talk to me like that all the time.
VO
I do not!
She
Yes, you do. Every time I'm being a dumbass, and avoiding an emotional issue, you talk to me that way. You order me around. You try to dominate the conversation when you think I'm slipping off. You do everything short of holding me down on the ground. And I suspect you would even do that, if I wasn't a little claustrophobic.
VO
Okay. Maybe I do. But I am not...
She
Bull dot dot dot shit.
Vo
Did you just punctuate your speech?
She
Yes I did.
VO
Damn that's cute.
She
Blow me.
VO
(laughs hard and then says)
Excuse me?
She
Don't think you’re going to distract me. You don't hide much, which means you're not that good at it. And you're even worse at it when I know there's something to find. Talk.
VO
Seriously, let's not and say we did.
She
Talk.
VO
I'm going to bed.
She
That is sad.
VO
What?
She
You have a lousy poker voice. I can actually hear you biting your lip.
VO
I was not... aw fuck it.
She
Oh he's swearing; this is serious.
VO
You gonna make jokes now?
She
I wasn't joking. Talk.
VO
I don't like it, ok. I don't like hearing about exactly how you...
She
(when he seems stuck)
... attempt to turn on men?
VO
No! Ok, maybe yes, a little. But I was going to say, how you decide what makes you worth looking at.
She
Ok, why?
VO
I can't stand that you only think you're sexy if your tits are lighted well.
She
(quietly)
I think you're right.
VO
I am?
She
Yeah, it's late. Let's not talk about this right now. I'm tired.
VO
Whoa, hang on. Don't you dare touch that phone.
She
I rest my case.
VO
Ok, point made. I had already acknowledged it though, so this is more distraction. What's wrong?
She
Nothing, obviously you're upset, and I suddenly don't feel up to this, so I want to go to bed.
VO
Bullshit, exclamation point.
She
Funny.
VO
What's wrong?
She
I told you, I'm tired and...
VO
(he interrupts)
You are scaring the shit out of me. I don't think I've ever heard you sound so completely heartbroken, and it is terrifying. Talk to me. I swear to you, if you don't tell me what's going on in your head, I am leaving for the airport right now.
She
Don't you dare...
VO
Uh uh. I will gladly share all the actual details of my earlier attitude, in depth, but first I need to know what is going on with you. I am the one who's on point now. I get to throw my weight around, not you. Talk to me Baby. You have 30 seconds to start, or I swear to you I will be leaving California within the hour. I am serious. I haven't been this freaked since the night I proposed, and you ran away.
she
I told you I was sorry about that! you scared me! I wasn’t expecting you to...
vo
I’m not looking for an apology! And don’t change the subject. What’s...
(She has started crying softly.)
VO
I'm leaving.
(She can hear him get up and start walking)
She
No! Don't, please.
VO
(he sounds like he is out of breath)
Keep talking; you can talk about whatever you want. I'll have to let you go when I take off and land, but it'll be ok. Come on; tell me about what you researched tonight.
(Sounds from the phone clearly indicate he is dressing and packing)
She
No! Stop, right now. Stop!
(background noise stops for a second, and then resumes)
VO
No. Talk to me; tell me about some movie I haven't seen. Just give me a couple of hours, and then you can tell me everything.
She
Stop! God-damnit stop!
(background noise stops; he sounds as if he is crying too)
VO
Why?
She
Because you don't need to be here.
VO
(a little pissed, but still crying)
Bullshit. Something is wrong. You are in pain. I can feel it. Something I did or said put you in pain. I am not leaving you alone like this.
She
I'm fine.
VO
You know damn well that you’re not. The tears are already sliding down your cheeks. In a few moments you won't be able to do anything but sob. You have to stop. Talk to me about something else. Tell me a joke, just talk.
She
Please, just sto...
VO
(yelling a little)
I won't let you break like that alone!
She
Please.
(Now she is openly crying)
Stop.
VO
(his breath catches)
Baby don't. Not yet, please not alone.
(She is crying steadily and appears unable to stop. You hear a sound that suggests he has sat down)
VO
Sweetheart, talk to me. God I wish I was holding you. Tell me what it is, please. Baby please.
(She sounds like she is trying to catch her breath. He waits quietly)
She
(still catching her breath)
Am I really that vain?
WO
What? What are you talking about? Baby I never said that. Why would you think that?
She
You made it sound like...
VO
Like what?
She
Like everything I wear is about, "Look at me!" Like I dress to turn on every guy I meet. Like I don’t have a style of my own, just whatever I think will get the most attention.
VO
Are you kidding? I never ever meant anything you just said. Not a word of it. I don't know how you got there, but get your ass back to reality, now.
She
Can you just ease up a little?
VO
No. I will not allow you to think, that I would ever say one word of that about you, to anyone else or myself.
She
Ok, ok. I misunderstood.
VO
No, this conversation is not over until I understand.
She
It was a misunderstanding ok. Can we just drop it?
VO
Why would you think that? And even if it were true, which it's not, why would that hurt you so bad that you are still hiding from me.
She
Stop it, I am not. Let it go.
VO
If I let it go, it's to go catch a plane.
She
Not that again.
VO
Baby please, talk to me. I know there's more to this, and I have to know. I can't let you cry alone, and that's what's going to happen if you hang up.
She
Ok, ok, damnit! Just stop and I'll tell you!
VO
Breathe baby.
She
Don't talk to me like I'm a child.
VO
I'm not. I'm talking to you like my lover, who's suffering, and I'll do or say anything to ease it.
She
Low blow.
VO
I'd kiss you, if I could. Talk to me.
She
It was something I thought I heard in your voice.
VO
What?
She
Disgust? No, too strong. Contempt, that's what it sounded like.
(There is silence for a moment. She's flustered by this)
She
You have to say something, even if it's confirmation.
VO
Confirm... blow me.
She
Funny.
VO
How could you ever think that? How could you ever let yourself believe that?
She
It's a reaction I've gotten before; to some of the ways my brain works.
VO
I don't give a shit. Fuck them, whoever they were. They didn't see you, not really. But I do see you, and you know it, you feel it. Don't you ever, ever, allow yourself to think that again. If it does enter your mind, you throw it away in a hurry. Do you understand me?
She
Ok, now I'm getting pissed at the tone.
VO
Don't try to...
(he pauses and sighs)
Please love.
(She starts breathing loudly, obviously affected by the tone of his voice)
VO
Promise me, you'll never allow yourself to think that again, no matter what you hear or see. I am not deluded. I know you have challenges. There are even things about you that I think aren't perfect. Not many, but still, I would never change a one. Maybe you're not perfect, but all the parts of who you are make you wonderful. I would never hold any part of you in contempt. It doesn't matter what you ever told me, short of something truly evil of course.
She
Truly evil?
VO
Yeah, like you're a cannibal, or a letter bomber, or something equally awful. That you run a Malaysian sweat shop; that I would have contempt for. But I presume I don't have to worry you'll ever tell me something that evil, right?
She
I once shoplifted a piece of candy.
VO
I think we're safe. I love you. I adore you. The very thought of you slipping from my fingertips shakes me like, like someone dropped me at the north pole wearing nothing but a Speedo.
She
Hmm, there's a visual.
VO
Please don't picture it.
She
Having difficulty.
VO
Seriously, shrinkage is not something to fantasize about.
(She starts laughing hysterically. Pretty soon he's laughing too. They go on for almost a minute)
She
Tell me you love me.
VO
I love you. And for the record, I am not coming down against the sexy bra.
She
Didn't figure you were. I love you, by the way.
VO
(sighs)
Forever and always?
She
Nope.
VO
Nope?!
She
Nope, too small. Infinity plus one.
VO
(laughing)
What?
She
Remember, when we were kids. No I'm not. Yes you are. No I'm not, infinity! Yes, you are; infinity plus one! And then you stuck your tongue out.
VO
(still laughing)
Oh my, were we really that dumb?
She
No, we just didn't know what it was. What kid in a school yard can actually understand the concept of infinity?
VO
(tenderly)
I'll bet you did.
She
Maybe a little more than others; but not entirely, no. I'm not the Einstein you think I am.
VO
Einstein didn't have your toes.
She
What?!
VO
You have the cutest toes.
She
I have ugly toes. They’re short, and my pinky toe nails are barely even locatable.
VO
Nope, they're adorable, especially when they curl.
She
No fair. And you still have an explanation of your own to give.
VO
Of?
She
Why what I said about dressing upset you.
VO
Oh sorry, I forgot.
She
Sure you did.
VO
Honestly, I did. I was thinking of the different ways to make you curl your toes.
She
Spill.
VO
Ok. I don't like knowing that you used to be so self conscious about all the nuances. I prefer to focus on the fact that you dress to express who you are. I know that your size played a factor, but I don't like the ways I feel you tried to compensate. It upsets me that you felt like you had to.
She
Oh come on, everyone does it.
VO
Does what?
She
Dresses to their body shape. Do you see tall girls wearing a lot of vertical stripes? And what about your tees?
VO
What about my tees?
She
Would you wear them if you didn't have hot sexy arms? All those cut offs? No, you'd wear loose short sleeves to minimize the attention on them, and probably flash your baby blues a lot, to distract.
VO
Ouch. I'm not sure I like the sound of that.
She
It's not a bad thing. It's standard aesthetics. We dress, put on make-up, wear certain hats, avoid certain postures. All to minimize what we don't like, and draw attention to what we do. I think it's a healthy way to deal with appearance issues, particularly ones we can't do much about, like being short.
VO
I'm not short.
She
(laughing)
Not you silly, me. You are the perfect height.
VO
Oh really?
She
Yup. Most of the other guys I've dated have been too tall. Over 6 feet. I don't know why that happened. I'm not particularly attracted to tall guys. But it almost was an attempt to keep distance. With you, I have to look up a little to see your eyes, but I can dance with you without putting on heels, and I can still lean my head on your chest when I need to.
VO
God I miss you.
She
I miss you too.
VO
And I think you’re the most beautiful creature who ever walked the planet.
she
Sure you do, but you’re just a little biased.
vo
No argument there.
(pause)
Are you sure I can't go to the airport?
She
No baby, I think it's time for bed.
VO
Ok. I love you.
She
I love you too baby. Good night.
VO
Good night Mrs. Devane.
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