How did I get in this nutshell?

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I believe in being 100% me as much as possible. I strive never to change who I am for others, the only notable exception when I’m around my family and at work. Yeah, I know, pathetic. But the only thing I change in those situations, is how much of me I share. I don’t pretend to be something I’m not, I just don’t show the whole picture. But while I am only ever me, I have a tendency to assume that ‘me’ is not someone else’s cup of tea, at little provocation. I’m also always willing to have that viewpoint challenged. I think some don’t challenge because they consider me too much work to argue with. But, truthfully, I’m one of the easiest people to argue with, literally not figuratively.

I reside in the middle of the United States, which it can be argued is the center of the world. I live in a place where people come to lose inflection in their voice, not adopt a different one. Think of that. To live in a place that’s known for having the least accented English in all of the world. And yes; it’s as banal as it sounds.

And I do truly feel like I live my life in the middle of the world. I am an articulate well-spoken woman, who uses the word Dude like it was Aloha. As a result, the more average individual finds me uppity and off-putting, when I use the big words. The more intellectual crowd finds me vulgar and common-place. Oh, and the saying “Sarcasm is the recourse of the weak mind.” is such bullshit.

I’m also an independent strong willed/opinionated woman, who likes other strong willed/opinionated people, of either gender (though not romantically of course). In other words, I actually like men who are willing to argue, so long as they’ll concede when I win. In fairness, I will also concede when I lose, however begrudgingly.

I guess that’s sort of my lot in live, being in the middle. I’m always above average and never normal, but I’m also never exceptional or too far from the norm. Case in point; I did love Friends, but I hated Seinfeld. I dig Southpark in a big way; can’t stand the Simpson’s. I have a very nice singing voice, but a range so short I could never be great. I’m not a half bad dancer, but I have some balance issues. And no matter how much I practice/work, I will never ever be able to type more than 65WPM (though my 10-key was 15,000 KPH once upon a time).

I’m a walking contradiction, even when I’m sitting.

I dated a man briefly, who barely ever watched TV. And when he did, it was usually the History Channel. Now I can get into a good biography on occasion (been reading all kinds of stuff about Anais Nin lately), but the 4 hour long special on how they ancient Greeks fortified their water front cities… (yawn) what was I saying?

I watch a lot of TV (see my fall lineup above). I make no apologies for it. Some people love to knit, or draw, or read (which I do heavily in spurts), play video games… I love TV. I’ve loved TV since I was a small child. I was an actual fan of Remington Steele and Scarecrow and Mrs. King. I watched them regularly and I got the jokes. I was 8 years old. And I just spent half an hour reading an interview with Dule Hill and James Roday from Psyche. Just because.

My study of film is now on even footing with television. In my youth, movies were so much more a part of my fascination, but as television has grown, so has grown my love. And this year of all years. I mean, think about this for one second. There are Whedonverse alumni on just about every night of the week, and on multiple networks! Tack on guest starring roles (like Amy Acker on Supernatural or Summer Glau on Big Bang Theory), and there’s more Whedonverse members than you can ever ask for. It’s like Elysia. Every channel is littered with shows built to geek and geek-friendly fans. Reality TV is still holding on, but real TV is finally taking it’s place back (my thanks to the cable networks for holding on through the storm).

I watch a lot of movies, and I’m quite proud of my IMDB-pedic knowledge of film. And no, that does not mean I’ve seen every movie ever made, so please don’t try to stump me. It’s annoying. But I’ll kick your ass in Scene-It any day of the week. I say, “I love that movie” at least a few times a week, and I mean it every time. I have a great deal of love to give great fiction (and even mediocre fiction produced properly), and there’s always more love to give. I will admit to the faults and badly contrived moments in any film I love, but it doesn’t make me love it less. I’m not here to judge, I’m here to experience.

I play games on my computer (or my phone if necessary) when I’m watching movies/TV at home. If I could find a way to do it while I read, I would so go there. Some people are always on the go, I am generally on the stay. But my mind is still going without me. I have trained myself to look people in the eye, because my eyes generally like to go off on their own as well. I find that, if I do it too much, I notice it makes some people uncomfortable.

I also noticed that, since I got the purple highlights in my hair, people will avoid looking at me to avoid staring. It’s kind of funny to observe.

So what does this all add up to? A woman who confuses herself more often than she’d care to. But at least no one can ever say I’m not me. I’d rather be this mixed up mess, than something simple and boring. And if I can say that, shouldn’t anyone be able to?

• Passion & Compulsion
• Interwebz; input needed. Do I Bare It All?
• I want to live in a "Filthy World"
• Parental Influence
• Unreasonable Expectations

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