(originallly posted on my AFF blog)
I have long loved the song Daughters by John Mayer. I know it’s really about dysfunctional relationships between fathers and daughters, but as my father passed when I was little, it has a different meaning for me. For me, it’s about raising our children to be adults, and all that that means.
I was on another site today and a guy asked, why do women say things like, “I shouldn’t be doing *fill in the blank* because I like it TOO much.” I had to say something about that, because this is something that I’ve been trying to understand for years.
Women are taught to be ashamed of what they want. Plain and simple. It all traces back, IMO, to that obnoxious story about where babies come from…When a man and a woman love each other they make love and make a baby. Think about that, the sex talks start with love, and if you’re not in it, that means you don’t do it. It starts there and just builds until 40% of women are sexually dysfunctional in this country (study from 1999 at the University and the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School). And that’s just the ones who are honest.
We need a new sexual revolution. First off, stop teaching your daughters that there’s anything wrong with them for wanting something that feels good and doesn’t hurt anybody. Fathers, forgive me, I know this is difficult, but stop hounding your girls about staying away from boys. Stop acting like the lion protecting his cub and talk to your daughters. Mothers, tell them it’s ok to be curious about their bodies and stop telling them dumb crap like, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free.”
Stop telling your kids when and if they should become sexually active. Instead, talk to them about responsibility. Teach them to respect their partner, even if it’s not a SO, and they’ll respect sex and hopefully enjoy it a lot more. Think about this. If we teach them to be smart, responsible, and respect their partners, wouldn’t that affect the issues we’re having right now as well as helping our kids into their futures. How might that combat 14 year old kids hooking up and having unprotected sex parties? Wouldn’t that reduce the number of girls giving it up to someone who couldn’t give a shit less if he makes it good or not because their friends think it’s cool, and the boys out there keeping score like sex was some variation on Death Race 2000? How might it affect their relationships, sexual and other, and their overall attitude towards others?
Maybe it won’t solve all the problems, but can it really hurt more than the way things are right now? Teach your kids that sex is about intimacy but not necessarily love. That you can have a great experience with someone you don’t know all that well if you both treat each other with respect and consideration instead of telling them to be good girls until their married or 25. And stop being hypocrites. Don’t tell them they shouldn’t have sex until it’s with that someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with if you didn’t spend the rest of yours with the first man/woman you touched. Imagine how much more respect they’ll have for you and what you have to say on this subject and all the others.
Ok, rant over. Though believe me, I have more thoughts on the subject of combating female sexual dysfunction in todays world, so it will come up again.
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